I walked down to the local shops today to buy lunch, since it was a nice day. It’s around 10 mins each way, which is just right especially in this weather!
Whilst there I saw a gorgeous girl-next-door type; brown hair up in a neat pony tail, subtle yet perfect makeup, slim yet curvy body, a really lovely dark fitted above knee dress with rose print, block heel shoes. She looked absolutely stunning, but in a very natural and unpretentious way.
The thing is, though, I didn’t feel any desire despite her being what, a few years ago, would have been just my type. Instead I felt what can only be described as “wistful envy”*
Kind of surprised me a little, and yet at the same time sort of didn’t too. It’s all a bit confusing really, but possibly an indication of how my sexuality and mind-state are changing.
(* – I initially wrote “wistful jealousy”, as you can see from the URL of this post. But then I realised after a little googling, and stumbling upon this blog post, that what I experienced was far more ‘envy’ than ‘jealousy’ so I amended it. Although perhaps there was a small element of jealousy.)