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Let your mind go and your body will follow

Regular readers will know that I tried going to Salsa for a while but for one reason or another, mainly confidence, I stopped going.

Since I’ve spent so much time and money on laser hair removal and Voice Coaching, I decided I may as well press on and address that too, and so I contacted my Salsa teacher since she is really nice in order to enquire if she does private tuition, and she does.

So today I spent an hour with her, just working on basic moves; moving to music and being encouraged to essentially do what the title of this post says (I’ll give you extra points if you can identify the film it comes from, but only if you do it without googling!)

Normally I have to be drunk to let go like that, and of course when you’re drunk you always think you dance better than you do. But something wonderful happened today – I was able to let go and just dance. And if felt wonderful. I was so pleased with myself and am going back on Friday for another session!

On the way back, I needed to call into Fleet to pick up some things I had bought online but with ‘Collect In-Store’ rather than delivery, and I just happened to see a little craft stall and fell in love with a pair of earrings, which I bought. Then as I passed Claire’s Accessories I recalled that it had been just over 6 weeks since I had my ears pierced there, so called in and asked if they would help me remove my starter studs. It proved quite tricky to remove them, but we finally got them out and we got the new ones that I had just bought back in. I’m so happy! I’d like to thank the staff at Claire’s in Fleet for being so helpful and nice; it’s so lovely when you get people going the extra mile to help you.

I also managed to get a really lovely jumper in New Look for over 50% off and which cost me £11. Bargain! I’ll not post a photo just yet – it can wait until a I take a pic of me wearing it.

I also had another go with liquid eyeliner when I did my make-up this morning and, as you can see from the pic, it came out pretty well. Yay!

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Posted by on December 17, 2013 in Diary, Out & About, Social

 

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Strictly plant inspecting

I had a great weekend just gone. It started off with a bit of drinksitting on Friday evening and staying up into the early hours of the morning talking drunken rubbish to friends on Facebook and IM, and then a lie in on Saturday morning and a little bit of a hangover (a far more mild one than I deserved to be honest). I watched the F1 qualifying (I’m a big F1 fan), pottered around a bit. and before I knew it, it was early evening and Strictly Come Dancing came on the telly. Now, I have a confession to make; I have never watched it before. But I know several of my friends love it so I gave it a go and I am absolutely hooked now. I loved it! ha ha. I smiled, I laughed, and I even cried at one point, but mostly I had a happy grin on my face and felt very entertained and happy. And that can’t be a bad thing can it.

Plant inspecting

Plant inspecting

Sunday saw me in a much better disposition, so after I had watched the F1 race, I got my makeup on, experimenting with liquid eyeliner which worked really well for me. I also tried on this lovely dress that I got from La Redoute that I mentioned in my last post. It fits beautifully and I’m really pleased with it. In fact, I decided to pop out down to Marks & Spencers wearing it. And then took my car through the car wash after.

Girl Racer

Girl Racer

I was a bit bored whilst in the car wash, and I had my trusty little Panasonic compact camera with me that does great selfies so took this pic whilst I was waiting. I’m quite pleased with how it came out. Can’t say the same for the car though; the automated car wash missed loads of bits. Still, it’s better than it was.

When I got back home I decided to try on some more outfits and take some more pics. I’ll be posting them up on Flickr over the next few days so be sure to keep an eye on my Flickr if you don’t already!

 

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Gender roles

A little while ago I discovered The Advocate, with some of the articles really making me think and some of them blowing my mind, such as the one that suggested that the fundamental flaw in being transgendered and trying to pass as a women is that it is a game where the only time you are succeeding is when people do not realise you are succeeding. And If they become aware that you are succeeding, then you have just failed.

However, I’m not full time and moreover have no intention of becoming so. I’m not interested in transitioning from one society-approved binary state to the other. I think both genders have their advantages and disadvantages, and I’m greedy enough to want to pick and choose the best from both, just like I do my sexuality. An unpopular choice from the people who think I should “make my bloody mind up”, I guess. But why should I?
(Edit: Although, yes, when I am out in girl mode I most definitely do want to pass convincingly as such, so I guess that in some ways it does apply).

So when I read this article, I can kind of understand where the author is coming from. I can understand that a completely gay man could find that upsetting or annoying, but to me it sounds like heaven!

Funny old world. isn’t it?

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2013 in Diary, Opinion, Transgender

 

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Madam… madam… sir

Had a rather odd day today.

I needed to go up to London for a Voice Coaching session today, but there was an Art Deco & Art Nouveau fair in Woking this morning and my appointment was in the afternoon, so I detoured via Woking on my way up to London. It’s sort of on the way.

The fair was a little disappointing, although I think that was more down to my mood than anything, plus the realisation that I don’t think I am as “into” Art Deco as I initially thought I was. I didn’t stay long; after 45 mins I was done and back on the road to London.

Westfield Shopping Centre

Westfield Shopping Centre

I got into London in good time and, instead of parking up in Hammersmith as usual I decided to drive a little further to Shepherd’s Bush and park up at the Westfield Shopping Centre for a little shopping. Also it’s a flat £5 for the whole day to park.

Whilst there I grabbed this sneaky selfie.

After a little shopping I hopped onto the Circle line to get myself round to the Voice Coach’s office. As we passed Notting Hill, there were announcements that stations were closed due to the Carnival and as we passed you could hear the music thumping and look down at how crowded and busy it was.
When I arrived, I was a good 25 mins early so I popped into a local wine bar and had a cheeky glass of white wine. £4.40 for a small glass is par for the course in London but still galled a little as it tasted little better than plonk you could buy for the same price per bottle. Still, it was nice enough.

So, suitably refreshed, 2pm came around and I went up to my Voice Coach’s office. Knocked on the door, and no answer. I checked my emails, checked my texts, sent a text to her checking the time was correct, then availed myself of the loo to freshen up, then checked back. Nothing. By now I guessed something was up, and also realised that my gmail account was no longer linked to my phone as I recently switched to 2-Factor authentication on that account, so laboriously started to reconnect it on a 2G+ data connection and finally, after 20 mins, had it. And there was an email sent at 12.30pm cancelling the appointment due to ill health. Crap. Or, rather, vomit apparently. Ewww.

So I decided to go to the Science Museum. Don’t ask me why, I just wanted to. Now, first mistake was to go to Baker Street (since it was close) and try to head West. Heaving. Absolutely packed with Carnvival-goers. There were police everywhere and the train that arrived as I did was stuck for ages trying to leave because it was unable to close its doors due to people messing around. I got on the next one but felt really uncomfortable with the pissed-up people on board, plus a group of guys near me were blowing up balloons from capsules and inhaling them. I’m guessing that was Nitrous Oxide (aka Laughing Gas)?
So at the next stop switched trains to a different line, not least because the train I was on wasn’t going to where I wanted to go. LOL.

Eventually I made it to South Kensington and started to walk the underpass to the Science Museum. Now, if you have never walked this route in heels my advice would be “don’t”. By the time I got there my feet really hurt. And after wandering round the Science Museum for about 40 mins they REALLY hurt, despite several rests at convenient seats. But I bravely carried on, and then went next door to the Natural History Museum. However, after about 20 mins of that I felt I wasn’t going to make it. Hobbling outside I jumped in a cab and asked to be taken back to Westfield. The helpful cabbie informed me that it was pretty busy due to the Carnival and we could be delayed. Yeah, ok, whatever; this seat seems pretty comfy right now.

We eventually got there, and I decided that shopping was very much in order but that shoes were a must. Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything I liked at a sensible price, but each step was getting more and more painful and I was getting more and more desperate. I was also taking more and more frequent breaks. Basically I was hobbling from one seating area to another at this point. I was in agony.

At some stage in this fog of pain, I swung near a shop and some girls in the doorway of one started to try to get my attention, calling “madam… madam… madam…. ” in that ‘can we just have a moment of your time to try and sell you something’ way that people do and then when I ignored them and swung away from them, switched to “sir”. Then laughed uproariously in an “OMFG!” way when I finally looked round (I did so in case they were trying to tell me I had dropped something). These were members of staff, remember! WTaF?
Sadly I didn’t note the shop and I was in too much pain to do much, otherwise I would have gone back to enquire what was so funny and whether a P45 was equally funny. Great way of winning customers, eh?

Finally I went into yet another shoe shop (I think it was Barratts) and told myself I was buying something no matter what. I found some Rocket Dog shoes I really liked but they didn’t have them in an 8, only a 7. There were also some Hush Puppies that I didn’t really like but were in an 8, so I got them to bring me the other one for those. I then went through pair after pair of shoes until I got sick of asking “do you have these in an 8?” and started asking “so what DO you have in an 8?”. Eventually, I though “f*ck it, I’ll get the Hush Puppies”. So took them to the till and they rang up £50 which did not seem at all right as I had been looking at shoes in the £30-£40 range. But that was the price. However I was close to tears now and couldn’t bear the thought of having to put my heels back on. So I just paid. So, basically, I paid more than I wanted to pay for a pair of shoes that I didn’t like. FML. That totally undoes the bargains of my last post too.
[Update: I managed to subsequently get a full refund on them at my local branch of Barratts a week later]

Still, at least I could now walk so I considered going to Yo! Sushi but realised I couldn’t really spend £30 on sushi when I’d just overspent on these shoes. So I went to the food hall and had Singapore Noodles at Bamboo Basket for £7.50

After that, and a little more shop wandering, it was now 7.30pm and I really had had enough. So I wandered back to the car and hit the road to come home.

 

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Deeper Underground

Notting Hill Gate

Yesterday I went up to London for another Voice Therapy lesson. As usual, I drove to Hammersmith and parked up, then jumped on the tube from there to continue the journey. It works well for me as I know the Hammersmith area and also the street parking is free on the weekend.

I got to my appointment with  plenty of time to spare, and the lesson itself went very well indeed. I can really feel and hear the beginnings of a change in my voice. We still have a way to go, of course, but there are encouraging signs. Having said that, when she recorded me and played it back I totally cringed and thought I sounded awful and camp, but she reassured me that this is normal and just part of the transition.

After that, I walked down to Oxford Street as I needed a replacement MAC eyebrow pencil, and I know there is a MAC outlet in Selfridges. Gosh it was busy in there! You could barely move for people. I managed to snag an assistant to find the correct pencil (as I’d forgotten to bring the old one with me), and then queued for ages to have it fetched for me and to pay. I have to say they were a little disorganised and had only one girl on the tills with loads of other assistants seemingly milling around at random. I realise that the tills aren’t very interesting, but in order to get customers’ money you have to give them the opportunity to pay. Certainly I seriously considered just leaving it as the wait got longer and longer, but I stuck with it and got my eyebrow pencil and also a white eyeliner pencil. Total cost of £27. Ouchies.

After that I wandered round Selfridges for a little more, ending up in the food hall because I knew there is a branch of Yo! Sushi there. Another long wait in a queue, made all the more frustrating by the fact I was on my own and could see at least two single seats at the bar. Eventually a member of staff realised the same thing and called me out of the queue to one of them.

Following the sushi, I looked for the loos in Selfridges and eventually found them in the basement (I thought that it was a requirement to have toilets near to eating facilities? Evidently I’m wrong on that), took one look at the enormous queue and thought “I’ve just about bloody had enough of queueing in this bloody shop” and decided to hold on.

Emerging onto Oxford Street into light rain and full pavements, I decided I had had enough of all this and just wanted to go home. So I hopped onto the tube at Bond Street to make my way back to Hammersmith. This was a poor choice of tube station as it put me on the Central line. But I figured that I could hop onto a District, Circle or Picadilly train and get across that way. So I changed at Notting Hill Gate (which was where I took the photo) but once on the train realised it wasn’t going to Hammersmith and I had to change again at Earl’s Court. But finally I got myself to Hammersmith.

By now I was completely fed up, so made my way to the car, tired and footsore, and drove home.

 
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Posted by on August 18, 2013 in Diary, Out & About, Shopping

 

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Wistful envy

I walked down to the local shops today to buy lunch, since it was a nice day. It’s around 10 mins each way, which is just right especially in this weather!

Whilst there I saw a gorgeous girl-next-door type; brown hair up in a neat pony tail, subtle yet perfect makeup, slim yet curvy body, a really lovely dark fitted above knee dress with rose print, block heel shoes. She looked absolutely stunning, but in a very natural and unpretentious way.

The thing is, though, I didn’t feel any desire despite her being what, a few years ago, would have been just my type. Instead I felt what can only be described as “wistful envy”*

Kind of surprised me a little, and yet at the same time sort of didn’t too. It’s all a bit confusing really, but possibly an indication of how my sexuality and mind-state are changing.

(* – I initially wrote “wistful jealousy”, as you can see from the URL of this post. But then I realised after a little googling, and stumbling upon this blog post, that what I experienced was far more ‘envy’ than ‘jealousy’ so I amended it. Although perhaps there was a small element of jealousy.)

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2013 in Diary, Opinion

 

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Effortlessly Elegant

Well, that’s the name of the dress from Joe Browns anyway. Not sure if I am! LOL.

I absolutely love the dress though.

 

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Summer at last

Well, after yesterday’s little setback, I had an absolutely wonderful day today. It was sunny all day, and by mid afternoon was 27°C which was rather nice. So after I’d finished watching the British F1 Grand Prix I got out into the sun and took photos in three different outfits. And I felt so happy out there in the sun, and I’m so happy with how the photos came out, that I’ve decided I don’t really care about yesterday.

The dress is one I bought yesterday in Primark. It’s so comfy and I love it, and it was only £7 too! Baaaargain.

I’ll be posting pics of the other two outfits over the next few days. And in the meantime, I edited yesterday’s post to include a pic of what I was wearing.

 

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A little Burlesque

I finally overcame my inertia and got myself all made up and did a photo shoot yesterday. My plan was to do some outside in the sun, as I have been waiting for some nice weather for ages, and the forecast was “sunny spells”. Sadly I didn’t get any sun, but I did get some bright overcast weather in between the showers, and managed to get some photos. I’ll be posting them over the next few days because I don’t like to post everything at once.

I took photos in 3 different outfits, and the final one was something a little naughty…

I bought this corset and tutu set ages ago on eBay but this is the first time I’ve worn it. The boots you will have seen before in another pic; they’re my awesome Doc Martens.

I have to confess to some Photoshoppery on this pic as the tops of my bewbies were visible and needed to be blended into my skin. I think that came out quite well actually! I think the colour balance might be slightly out too, but hopefully it’s not too bad.

As a little bonus, here is another pic I also took at the same time. I haven’t published it on Flickr yet so you are getting a sneak peek here!

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This one required quite a bit more Photoshoppage as it is a close-up. Hope you can forgive me for that!

 

 
 

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Running out of steam

I really don’t want this blog to go the way of so many, where the author has an initial burst of enthusiasm and then runs out of steam and posts less and less.

The truth is, the loss of steam is not in my blog but in my life. I’ve had a little bit of a lean patch of late, what with stuff, work, laziness, lack of motivation, depression, and also that incident last month probably affecting me more than I thought it did. Certainly the muse hasn’t been on me lately and I haven’t felt motivated to do, well, anything really.

Also that date that I had last month sadly came to naught. He seemed like a really nice guy and we emailed every day and then suddenly… nothing… for a week. Then a text (in response to mine) that promised more info later. But it wasn’t forthcoming. I feel quite downhearted by it and don’t understand what I did that caused such a promising start to so abruptly end. 😦

Having said that negative stuff, I have my next session of laser hair removal this Saturday. Pew! Pew! I’m really excited by it. Although it will be my third visit to ProSkin, it will only be the second treatment for each given part of my body, since my first two visits were essentially splitting one session into two visits. From this visit onwards it’s going to be the whole body in one session. We have 2½ hours allocated for Saturday, and it will probably take that long too. Eeps!

So far I’ve had great success from the laser. My arms are completely hair free apart from the odd one, which is great. My legs are pretty hairless too, but there are patches of hair here and there. Same story to varying degrees for the rest of me too. So it’s all very encouraging. Only downside is that grey and white hairs are unaffected, so I have just as much of those as I did before, only they are now a lot more visible. So when I’m further down the line on this, I’m going to have to look at either electrolysis or the newer Applisonix Ultrasound system to remove those. Obviously you’re getting into the law of diminishing returns there, but it’s got to be done to complete the job.

Anyway, hopefully things will perk up again soon and I’ll be back to my old self again shortly. Fingers crossed.

 
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Posted by on June 12, 2013 in Diary, Hair Removal

 

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